I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
