My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
