Please, let me fuck your mom
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
