the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
