Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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