I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
how drunk are you?
Several
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
