I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
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Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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