i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
