he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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