We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
