After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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