i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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