she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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