sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
