just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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