A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
