So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
