Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
