Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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