guys are not supposed to queef...right?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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