Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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