i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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