Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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