bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
