I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
