Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
