office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
