Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
