Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
