How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
