Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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