i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
