Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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