Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
