He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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