This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
