she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he thought i was a dude.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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