i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
