I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
