either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
