In the future we'll all be gay
Nicole vs. Life
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
