I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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