i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
