dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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