those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
