after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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