i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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