I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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