I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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