And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She said her name was "party"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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