I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
