and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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