I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
