dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
