know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
