The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We left the knife in your bed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
