3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
