I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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