Sponge bath it is.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
