I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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