The brown eye won't let me do that either.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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