his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
