I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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