i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
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No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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