Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
