We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
