So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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