at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
