So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
