Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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