speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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