I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
